I Learned The Hard Way
by xHearMyHowlx
Summary: Here is a list of 20 things I'm no longer aloud to do at Hogwarts...
1. What I'm No Longer Aloud To Do

What I Am No Longer Aloud To Do Around The Harry Potter Characters:

1. When sent to the Headmaster's office, start singing "We're Off To See The Wizard"

2. Offer Barty Crouch Jr. some chapstick

3. In Potions class, occasionally taste what's in your cauldron

4. Offer Snape a taste of what's in your cauldron

5. When working with a partner in Potions, act like you're the host of a cooking show

6. When you're first introduced to Dobby, shout: "Hah! So it IS true! I told you, Mom, that pokemon were real!!"

7. Complain about the food served in the Great Hall

8. Invite Dumbledore to a sleepover, and when he refuses, tell him he's going to miss the beard-braiding competition…

9. Make an obnoxious comment (loudly) when Snape is near, saying: "You could poke an eye out with that thing!" Then turn and point at his nose.

10. Act clueless when Snape insults you

11. Next time McGonagall blows up, furious, put your hand on her shoulder and offer her some Midol (it helps)

12. Tell Ron his brothers Fred and George are funny, then ask if you can get them drunk

13. When around Umbridge, start singing "Do You Believe In Magic?"

14. After proceeding with the step above, when you get a strange look from her, glare back and say: "Well, of course, YOU wouldn't know…"

15. After you meet Fleur, when she turns to walk away start singing "Wanna Be On Top?"

16. During a Defense Against the Dark Arts class, raise your hand and randomly tell Quirrel it'd be funny to see HIM in a blender…

17. Ask Hagrid: "Have YOU tried Jenny yet?"

18. Go up to Harry, point at his scar and ask if you can touch it

19. Ask Lockhart if you can borrow his top

20. Give Lucius a coupon for a haircut

And repeat…


	2. Umbridge Made Me Write These

Umbridge Made Me Write These With Her Special Writing Quill:

1. I will not tell the first years Professor Snape is "The Metatron".

2. I will not tell everyone the answer to anything is "Hope, trust, and a little pixie dust".

3. I will not spread rumors about how Snape used to be a woman, and how that is why he's just so cranky sometimes (even if it is true).

4. I will not switch Professor Umbridge's wardrobe with that of Professor Snape's.

5. I will not teach Peeves the art of airsoft.

6. I will not feed Scabbers to Hedwig for dinner.

7. I will not feed Scabbers to Crookshanks, either.

8. I also will not feed Scabbers to Filch's cat, Mrs. Norris.

9. I will apologize to Scabbers.

10. I will not claim I am the heir of Slytherin.

11. I will not play "sports announcer" when watching Quidditch, because that is not my job.

12. I will not claim Professor Dumbledore touched me. In places.

13. I will write a letter to Cornelius Fudge explaining that bit I sent to him about Dumbledore wasn't true.

14. I will not tell Colin Creevey he should just put up surveillance cameras.

15. I will make a point to take down the surveillance cameras.

16. I will not steal this pen and tell Luna it has magical powers.

17. I will not feed Umbridge's kitten plate collection to Fluffy.

18. I will not claim Umbridge is a squib (not in front of her, at least).

19. I will not let snitches loose in the common rooms.

20. I will not introduce the house elves to alcohol.

21. And lastly, I will not ever leave my "To Do" list lying around so that Umbridge can find it and make me write stupid lists like these.

22. These lists "are not stupid".

23. I am being forced to admit I misuse those little "quote thingies". I don't know what she's talking about.


	3. Note To Self

Note (more like, _many_ notes) To Self:

1. Professor Lupin does not like the song "Can't Fight The Moonlight".

2. It is not nearly as amusing as you'd think to watch Snape's reaction after you ask him to borrow a few "knuts".

3. Never joke about Lupin's "time-of-the-month".

4. Never randomly mention to Snape you heard a rumor about him "being _very_ talented with a wand".

5. Be-dazzling the back of Quirrel's turban is only funny the first seven times.

6. Giving Tonks a coupon for hair dye is not a great idea.

7. Never, and I mean _never_, during an awkward silence in the Great Hall get up and start singing "I found the source of the ticking! It's a pipe-bomb!".

8. Do not attempt to steal Dobby's socks.

9. Dobby can run faster than I thought.

10. Asking Sirius if he's "serious" isn't funny at all, because he doesn't get it.

11. Fighting with Sirius's mum can get very loud.

12. Tomorrow I must go get new hearing aids, due to what happened yesterday with Sirius's mum.

13. Shaving "ferret boy" on the back of Draco's head in the middle of the night is not lady-like.

14. But I do it anyways (heh, heh… SUCKA…).

15. For future writing prompts in Muggle Studies, don't try writing a Soap Opera according on what goes on at school.

16. Never tell Dumbledore he'd be great having the lead role in your new favorite musical, "Springtime For Hitler".

17. Fart machines apparently make McGonagall's face redder than it's been in a while.

18. You are aloud to "text" during class, as long as the Professor doesn't have a muggle in the family.

19. Writing "LMAO" on the chalkboard before class begins only confuses most teachers.

20. But at least the students get it.


End file.
